By Rev. Justin Kuiper
As I am new to CANA and very new to the Anglican faith, I am still in the stage of wonder that may be similar to that of a young lad still seeing newness in even the simplest things. This has truly been my experience in that certain parts of the liturgy cause my very soul to stir and my heart to sing. God is truly moving in my life as a result of the historical and liturgical faith that we practice.
Not the entire journey has been blue skies and tailwinds. This walk of faith now heading through Canterbury following Christ includes some moderate to severe turbulence. Many of my friends treat me differently. Some of them treat me as one would treat the recipient of a nervous breakdown. Others look at me like a traitor, giving me the stink eye. Of those who disagree, they all think I am in error. However the turbulence is not just a result of a gimlet eye or two. To be fair it must be said that some of the jostling and shaking of tray tables has come as a natural result of my personal reorientation toward Anglican Spiritual formation and the dropping of the destructive habits I will explain below. Suffice it to say that shedding the skin of a scholastic can chaff a bit.
I noticed the cracking dry skin over my soul recently by contrast. Some may know that I am coming over from a protestant denomination that in my opinion puts the acquisition of their sanctioned form of dogma and doctrine as the primary pillar in anyone’s walk of faith toward God. Now, when I look back I see that one by one many with this worldview are developing a neo-scholasticism that puts what one can know about God as the chief centerpiece for their faith. In fact, I remember thinking almost intuitively that my sanctification relied completely on how much I knew and how well I could defend it as the primary means of the Holy Spirit working in my life. The more knowledgeable I became, the more sanctified I would be.
This wasn’t the case. My study, especially in seminary, had quite the opposite effect. I became overwhelmed at all there was to learn. I was frustrated at my inability to take it all in. I compared my own abilities in attaining that knowledge to my peers with envious and disastrous results. I was saddened, deflated and depressed by the thought that I could never get to the place I should be, intellectually speaking. The concept of God’s grace became little more than a Greek word that greatly needed parsing.
I had become without knowing it an antagonist. I was Bane to their Batman. My value was found through the debating and the defeat of my brethren. My goal was to force another brother, sister, or unbeliever to say “uncle” as a result of my verbal brilliance or dirty debating (I would take either in a pinch). Oddly enough, the idea of “loving my neighbor “was expressed through giving another the tough love version of their lack of understanding. I certainly gave little thought to any other part of their soul. If they could understand it they could attain it. I sometime shudder when I think of how closely my thoughts mimic the words of Our Lord’s brother James. He is warning against someone who would go and tell someone in need, “go and be warm and filled,” without caring that they had their needs met. I was quickly becoming what I hated, an adversary.
However, this story has a happy ending (or should I say, restarting beginning); the grace of God broke through the calluses of my own making once again. And our Heavenly Father, as He has a knack for doing, spoke to me quietly in those moments of sheer angst, that I just might be missing something. And the answer to my depression lay not in being exclusive but inclusive. It was then that God led me to the Anglican faith CANA and the ACNA. It is here that the Holy Spirit reminded me that I am a loved and forgiven adopted child of the living God. Selah!
It is here that I would be delinquent in telling the whole story, were I not to mention an email I received from a pastor in my former denomination upon my departure. His response challenged me with his sadness that I was leaving the “reformed faith” for something else and I should “examine myself” thoroughly and “flog myself” with the oldest copy of the Westminster Confession of Faith I could find. Ok, the last part I made up but I am sure that is what he meant. Wow, oh sorry, here I am being adversarial again, just like Al Pacino, “They keep pulling me back in.”
All kidding aside, I gave that anecdote to remind you of the dangers in harboring bitterness, and fostering unhealthy competition between one another. Most importantly, it is a warning not to forget what the true historic Christian faith has always been, a movement of unity and fellowship with fellow believers in and followers of Our Lord Jesus. It was His words that put unity in the center by saying “This is my commandment that you love one another[1].” Our Lord Jesus says that not only ought we to do it by his command, but that people will know us by that love we have for one another. That love means patience and kindness towards our brothers and sisters, not anger and disdain. We must struggle to become someone’s advocate, leading them to grow in their faith, not an adversary as competing debaters in an argument that no man will ever win.
I am truly blessed that God has led me to the historic faith of our fathers. It is my prayer that we grow in grace, and share His peace, kindness and patience even with those who would not understand; advocating faith, not adversaries of one another for His Kingdom.
[1] John 13:34-35
34 A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. 35 By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
